I couldn’t post anything new today so here’s some of my favorite Stewie Griffin quotes.
Taken from various episodes of Family Guy:

Stewie Griffin: [after Lois tries to feed Stewie his broccoli "airplane style"] Damn you, damn the broccoli, and damn the Wright Brothers.
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Stewie: Well, I’d love to stay and chat, but you’re a total bitch.
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Stewie: Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I’m expected to turn and turn until OOPS! Big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside.

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Stewie: I was under the impression the name of the show was “Kids Say the Darndest Things,” not “Old Black Comedians Never Shut the Hell Up.”

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